GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM HAILS: DETHKLOK! THE METALOCALYPSE DETHSPECIAL Featuring an Interview with W. MURDERFACE

Most people the world over are familiar with the hit show METALOCALYPSE, part of the CARTOON NETWORK’s ADULT SWIM line-up of late night programming, but for those who are IGNORANT (haha! Lighten up!) I will educate you. The show follows the exploits of DETHKLOK, the world’s biggest Metal band, and the world’s 5^th largest economy. The band members, Toki Wartooth (guitar)of Norway, Skisgaar Skwigelf (lead guitar) of Sweden, William Murderface (bass)of USA, Pickles The Drummer (drums, naturally)of Tomahawk, Wisconsin, USA, and Nathan Explosion (vocals)of Florida, USA, are on a quest to lay down only the most BRUTAL Metal and in the process “Make Everything Metal!”. The band’s live performances usually involve hundreds of dead fans, the summoning of lake trolls, and other assorted mayhem. To make a long story short, this is required watching for all Metal fans. Creators TOMMY BLACHA and BRENDON SMALL have created something that is enjoyed by all, but can only be fully understood by true Metal fanatics! Many popular figures from our scene lend their voices to the program, including KING DIAMOND, MIKE AMOTT, GEORGE “CORPSEGRINDER” FISHER and several others.

The music from the show is fucking great and is performed by SMALL with GENE HOGLAN (DARK ANGEL/STRAPPING YOUNG LAD) on drums. After the first season, SMALL released the band’s first album “The Dethalbum”, which featured the music from the show’s various episodes. The record is available in CD, Limited 2 Disc CD, and Picture Disc Vinyl. When SEAN INGRAM of COALESCE heard that I would be conducting an interview with TOMMY BLACHA/WILLIAM MURDERFACE, he wanted me to ask him “How did a cartoon joke band manage to make the best damn Death Metal album of 2008?” BLACHA’s answer to this was simple: “Mr. Small and Gene The Machine”

 The album’s success lead to a promotional college tour supporting …AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF DEAD and a US headlining tour with CHIMAIRA and SOILENT GREEN. Like the show’s two seasons and the album, the tours were a resounding success, and TOMMY BLACHA reports that another tour will go down sometime in the future.

Currently, SMALL and BLACHA are hard at work on the third season of METALOCALYPSE. “Good News! There is no plot, but plenty of murder and mirth,” BLACHA said via e-mail. Of course who needs plot when there is plenty of Metal and death! Also, the band is getting their own EPIPHONE guitar. BLACHA says, “It’s an EPIPHONE with an Explorer shape…It’s made out of hardened blood,”
which will no doubt be the most Metal guitar on the market!

DETHKLOK and METALOCALYPSE were constant forms of entertainment for me and my squad in Iraq. We spent a lot of what free time we were afforded laughing our asses off and rocking out thanks to these five typical Metallers making Brutal Music and Metal Mischief. I was surprised as Hell when I walked into the FOB Ramahdi PX to find they had METALOCALYPSE: Season 1 in stock. We watched it over and over again.

So, KLOKATEERS, without further bullshittin’ around, I present to you my Dethinterview with DETHKLOK’s Bassist and Master of the “Cock-Slap” bass technique, WILLIAM MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE…

 

 

GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM Interviews WILLIAM MURDERFACE of DETHKLOK

 

GOATS: So, I heard that some terrorists attacked Mordhaus?! What the fuck is up with that?! Why would anyone want to fuck with the world’s biggest metal band? Did you guys suffer any major losses… I heard that your manager, Charles Ofdensen, was in pretty bad shape? Is life getting back to “normal” for DETHKLOK?

MURDERFACE: Yea, Fucking jealous regular dildos or something. As long as I’m fine I would say that there is no major losses…Basically I am the only insurmountable one…Indesomethingable….I’m most important!

 GOATS: Word on the street is that DETHKLOK is in the process of composing yet another masterwork! How is the recording coming? Are you at liberty to discuss any specifics?  If not, would you tell me if I ”pinkie-swore” that I could keep a secret? 
 

MURDERFACE: Pinkie swore?!??! What?!? Is that queero stuff? I’m sorry but I can’t divulge anything…Especially since they keep me out of the loop.
 

GOATS: I’m not trying to blow smoke up your ass here, but PLANET PISS is one of my all-time favorite Grindcore bands! It’s so fuckin’ underground how you don’t have any actual releases, but you have merch!  That’s really giving the most brilliant middle finger to commercialism, in my opinion!  Are you gonna keep stickin’ it to the man, or are you gonna sell-out like every other Grindcore band and finally release some tracks?  If you do, I’m not buyin’ ‘em…  shit! Who am I kiddin’?!  I’ll totally buy that shit, bro!!!  Do you have anything recorded at all and could you give us some insight about the tracks?

MURDERFACE: Uh…Yea…That’s right! Planet Piss is so pure that we don’t actually have any actual releases yet…It’s all about perfection. No selling out…Although I got some awesome t-shirt and coffee mug designs so keep posted to my website which is soon to be under construction.
  

GOATS: Being a bass player myself, you are my hero!  I mean, more than Steve Harris of IRON MAIDEN, Alex Webster of CANNIBAL CORPSE, or even Vrangsinn of CARPATHIAN FOREST!!  I don’t believe the rumors that Skwisgaar re-records all your bass parts and have beaten at least 15 people into the hospital for saying this!  You are truly my main influence as a musician, who are your influences?  What does it take to play “cock-slap” style bass night after night on the road?  As “hard” as I try, I just can’t seem to “pull it off”!

MURDERFACE: I don’t know who those dildos are but Skwisgaar only re-records my bass to get all the notes right or some shit…As far as my hogging it cock slap style…well…It’s a lot of practice and a lot of callous build-up.

GOATS: Currently, I’m serving in the US Army, but I’m considering a major career change!  I think I got the stuff, but what does it take to be a Klokateer and what kind of responsibilities do they have?  Got room for a disabled vet with 10 years prior music business experience on your payroll? 

MURDERFACE: How are you at cleaning toenails?…Mine get pretty gruesome…You can fit in here…Our whole operation is practically disabled.

GOATS: It is a well known fact that you are quite the collector of historical artifacts. How did you get into this hobby? What kind of cool old shit do you have?

MURDERFACE: Well…It’s called being totally fucking rich and fucking ebay and shit….I got so much shit…I just bought One of the most treasured porcelain vases in the world, it’s one dating back to the XIV century. The Yuan Dynasty (1271-1368) is the period when the firing techniques of the Blue and White Porcelain flourished in China. Sold in 1993 for 1.2 million, the vase has 34 centimeters, designed in Yuan style, with cobalt-blue painted on its white background. This is the only type of porcelain vase from that period that still exists. I smashed it with a hammer that once belonged to Thomas Jefferson.

GOATS: Many bands break up after spending so much time together in close quarters while on tour, but it seems like DETHKLOK is like a family.  Does it ever get difficult living and working with the other guys every single fucking day?  Do you ever just want to grab one of the other guys and tear his fucking face off?! 

MURDERFACE: A family?!   Barf!  When don’t I want to tear a face off…If those guys didn’t depend on me so much I would be so out of there.

GOATS: One last question MR. MURDERFACE, as I know that you are a very busy business type guy… If some sort catastrophe occurred, like the President of the Universe outlawed Heavy Metal, or you drank a bad batch of beer that made it so you couldn’t remember how to play bass, what would you do with your life?

MURDERFACE: Sit there and rot and bloat and explode and laugh as some regular dildos who worked for the city would have to clean me up. Ha!

GOATS: Thanks MURDERFACE… you fucking rule all things big and small!!
 

 A GOAT’S GUIDE TO DETHKLOK MERCH:

 

METALOCALYPSE “Season One: The Metalocalypse Has Begun” DVD 2007 Adult Swim DVD

Season one features 20 episodes on 2 discs and a shitload of “easter egg” styled extras including an interviews with the characters and a tour of MORDHAUS with FACEBONES as the guide. This season features the recording of the band’s “Metal album for fish”, the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle, the summoning of a giant lake troll that destroys most of Finland, the bands’ foray into stand-up comedy, PICKLES’ reunion with his cock rock band SNAKES N’ BARRELS, and more. Of course every episode is BRUTALLY hilarious and is essential viewing for any Metaller!

Available from: http://www.williamsstreet.com/

 METALOCALYPSE “Season 2: Black Fire Upon Us” DVD 2008 Adult Swim DVD

Season two is a lot more of the same Death Metal hysteria. This time it’s 19 episodes on 2 discs and a bunch more wild extras, including a SICK “Murmaider” video! This season you see the band help clean up the coke snorting DR. ROCKSO THE ROCK N’ ROLL CLOWN, TOKI takes guitar lessons, MURDERFACE tries to record a PLANET PISS record, PICKLES get his own publicist, and THE REVENGENCERS start to solidify their plans to rid the world of DETHKLOK. DETHKLOK’s manager CHARLES OFDENSEN coins the famous phrase “Nobody fucks with my bread and butter!” in this season! Tons of brutal new songs, gore, death, and hilarity! Once again, motherfuckin’ must have!

Available from:
http://www.williamsstreet.com/

 

DETHKLOK “The Dethalbum” CD/Limited Edition Picture Vinyl LP 2007 Williams Street Records

Brutal! Just Brutal! Who the fuck woulda thought that you could produce a comic cartoon about a DEATH METAL band and that it would become such a HUGE success? Frankly, I’m surprised that people get it outside of the Metal Community at large.”The Dethalbum” is a compilation of all the great songs from the show, such as “Murmaider” (about murderous mermaids), “Briefcase Full of Guts” (white collar tale of brutality), and “Fansong” (which was the special secret super song from the MORDHAUS open house/fan expo that was dedicated to all the regular jack-offs out there). Death Metal riffing, super fast SLAYER-esque solos, and masterful drumming courtesy of GENE “The Machine” Hoglan, are abound throughout the entire album. BRANDON SMALL is an accomplished musician to say the least, and you can tell that he isn’t bullshitting the music. He has written some amazing songs and if there was never a TV show, they would’ve still had an incredible Death Metal record. My wife, Jasmin, is German, a major fan of Death Metal, and had never seen the program before. When I returned from Iraq and popped in the DVD, she commented “They should have an album!” The only complaints that I hear from most fans is about the vocals. They aren’t too super brutal, but I think that is best for the show. They need to be a little more accessible for people that aren’t as schooled in the fine art of Death Metal. They need to be heard and understood for the sake of the viewers and the comedy. From the Die Hard DETHKLOK fans, I hear some complaints about the backing vocals on “Hatredcopter” which are of a warbley clear variety… These aren’t my faves either, but they don’t do enough to detract from the overall quality of the record. The real standout tracks for me are the songs from the “Viking Trilogy”: “Thunderhorse”, “Better Metal Snake” and “The Lost Vikings”, which were apparently rescued from NATHAN EXPLOSION’s usual practice of deleting hundreds of tracks at a time for the simple fact that “they weren’t brutal enough”! “Thunderhorse”, of course, can be found in GUITAR HERO form.

 The vinyl version of “The Dethalbum” is a great piece for collectors. It’s a picture vinyl featuring sick RIDDICK artwork on side A and the cover art by ANTONIO CANOBBIO on side B. Another bonus of the LP is the “Go into the Water (Gulf of Danzig remix)” included as a bonus track. A must have for DETHKLOK fans and everyone knows that Metal is meant to be heard on vinyl! Fuckin’ BRUTAL! I’m really looking forward to the new record and Season 3.

 

 

 

DETHKLOK “The Dethalbum” Guitar Tablature Book 2009 Alfred Publishing

Ok…this is a fuckin’ tab book that covers the entirety of “THE DEATH ALBUM”. Most like any other tab book, but… it’s DETHKLOK! Therefore it is at least 10,000x more brutal than any other tab book on the market! Full lyrics and music are included along with the tablature for those who are music illiterate. There is also some great bonus artwork, a statement of authenticity from SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF (where he suggests you take it slow at first as to not get too embarrassed) and a foreword from DICK “MAGIC EARS” KNUBBLER, who discusses the difficulties and joys of recording “THE DETHALBUM”. As you can expect, it’s all pretty funny… If you have the album and never read the lyrics at all, you are missing out. They are sick and twisted like most Metal lyrics, but very tongue in cheek as well. Frankly, after giving it a shot, it made me wanna put my fuckin’ guitar in its case and put it in the closet! HAHA! Not exactly simple, but with some practice anyone can be shredding “BLOODROCUTED”! As a bonus to it all, there is also an instructional DVD that shows you how to play a couple songs! Creator/guitarist/bassist/vocalist/all around talented mofo BRENDON SMALL takes a minute to show you how to play the theme song from the show, including all the licks that he adds to the song. The second lesson is SKWISGAAR’S “Fast Finger’s Master Class” lesson that shows you how to shred the Duncan Hill’s Coffee Jingle. This one is a lil more difficult to follow because it’s animated and he really flies through it, but cool none the less. Don’t expect to pick up and play any of the sons unless you are a really accomplished guitarist, but definitely cool if you love DETHKLOK and would like to learn some of the songs!

Available from: http://www.williamsstreet.com/

~ by vikingfist on June 15, 2009.