Metallers In Germany Gear Up for the WAY OF DARKNESS FESTIVAL!

•September 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Germany’s Way of Darkness Festival is only a couple short weeks away and let me tell you, I’m fucking stoked! This event is going down on October 2nd & 3rd at the Lichtenfels Stadthalle in Lichtenfels, Bayern (Bavaria), Germany and features Marduk, Cannibal Corpse, Dying Fetus, and Vader as headliners! Check out the recent press release below for a list of all the crushers performing and a link to see the actual running order of the acts. Also, we plan on being there to conduct some VIDEO INTERVIEWS with select groups! We’ve already confirmed Dying Fetus and Obscura for interrogations! Stay tuned, Goats!

If you plan on attending this stellar fest, you better hurry the fuck up and get your tickets! Pre sales are scheduled to end on September 22nd, but WOD will except COD’s from German attendees until the 27th of September! After this, you better hope you can find some straggler tickets at the participating vendors, or pray to the Dark One that there will be tickets available at the door!  Check it out this official press release:


only a few weeks to go until the Way Of Darkness Festival. Here are some final Info’s about it.

After the 27th September you can still buy tickets at those shops. BVD-Bamberg, Toxic Toast Coburg, H20 Würzburgand all well known ticket stores (Kartenhaus, CTS, Eventim….)

And also at the following onlie shops Metaltix and Nuclear Blast. Please check how long they will send out tickets.

At the box office you can buy 2-day-tickets for 43 € and 1-day-tickets on both days for 26 €. There will be enough tickets at the box office.

Find running order here: ??


Here is the complete billing:   The Ordher (BRA), Warpath (IRL), Dryrot, Fleshgod Apocalypse (IT). Zwansversteigerten Doppelhaushälften, Emergency Gate, Abysmal Torment (Malta), Nervcell (Dubai); Fleshless (CZ), Wolfchant (special Show), Assassin, Graveworm (IT), Vader (POL), Marduk (S), Common Grave, The Modern Age Slavery (IT), Absorb, Ebola, Hate (POL), Accu§er, Vomit The Soul (IT), Obscura, Postmortem, Dew Scented, Malignant Tumor (CZ), Evocation (S), Vomitory (S), Malevolent Creation (USA), Dying Fetus (USA), Cannibal Corpse (USA)



Yours W.O.D. – Team”

Also, check out the crushing doom festival that will take place at the Posthallen in Wuerzburg, Germany on October 17, 2009! 

W.O.D. – Festival presents:


Hammer Of Doom Festival II 


When: 17.10.2009

Where: Posthallen Würzburg

More Infos: …tickets will be available soon at all well known ticket stores, pre: 25,- Euro (zzgl. VVK-Gebühren), box office: 30,- Euro

For more info, here’s the contact information for the organizers:
Gods of Noise
c/o Ingo Weidhaus

Coming Soon… EVIL!

•September 4, 2009 • 1 Comment

Hey, Goats! Sorry for the extended absence, but as most of you know I have had 2 surgeries on my legs during the last few months. These surgeries were to fix injuries I acquired during my lovely 15 month vacation in Iraq. However, I have set some goals and plan to have some new interviews and other Metal evil up on GoP very soon. There is a BLASPHEMY interview in the works and I will have a report from this year’s WAY OF DARKNESS festival from Lichtenfels, Germany! It will be my first concert experience since November of 2008! The fest features MARDUK and CANNIBAL CORPSE, and I’m gonna see if I can’t do a series of video interviews. After that, I plan on seeing AMON AMARTH, HAIL OF BULETS, and LEGION OF THE DAMNED and will want to interview these great bands as well!
So stay tuned, Goats…The Pandemonium continues very soon!!

Interrogations of the Wicked: SWASHBUCKLE

•July 23, 2009 • 1 Comment


 Recently I got offered the opportunity to pen an article about NUCLEAR BLAST’s Pirate Thrash Jolly Rogerers, SWASHBUCKLE for Australia’s killer METAL AS FUCK webzine ( Sometimes when I write intervews in article form some of the juiciest bits get left on the cutting room floor. As I really enjoyed SWASHBUCKLE’s new album, “Back to the Noose“, which just happens to drop tomorrow, and the Q&A turned out to be pretty fucking funny, I decided to run the “director’s cut” of the interview here on GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM. You can check out the new album for yourself now over at SWASHBUCKLE’s myspace page (, as that motherfucker is streaming live!

If ya didn’t get the opportunity to check out my article, SWASHBUCKLE is a three piece Thrash Metal act hailing from New Jersey. Obviously, with a name like SWASHBUCKLE, this trio has put a Pirate spin on their brand of high energy crossover Thrash, sorta like RUNNING WILD did back in the day with Euro Thrash. What I found most impressive about theses pirates three, (ADMIRAL NOBEARD (bass/vocals), COMMODORE REDRUM (guitar), & CAPTAIN CRASHRIDE (drums)) was their authentic take on classic Thrash. They’re not slinging riffs and lyrics stolen off our favorite old records by the classic bands then slightly modifying them to make “Retro Thrash”, these guys have captured the wild and raucous party spirit of the genre and ressurected it to be played louder than fuck by old and new Thrashers alike! If you’re one of those pouty-fuck uber-serious dickheads that can’t handle any tongue-in-cheek Metal fun, well SWASHBUCKLE is probably not for you. How serious do you think a band of three dudes in feathery hats and frilly shirts are gonna be?! So, me hardies, grab yar rum, batten down yar peg legs, raise yar mainsails, and fondle yar wenches! Enjoy GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM’s keelhauling of the SWASHBUCKLE’s ADMIRAL NOBEARD…


GOATS: How did the band Swashbuckle materialize? Were there previous bands? Can you give us a little high seas history lesson on how Swashbuckle came about? 

Admiral Nobeard: Ahoy! We started our crew of rapscallions and bildgerats in early 2005.  We put out a few demos, played some local New Jersey shows before getting picked up by independent label Bald Freak Music in 2006, which we released our first album “Crewed swashbucklenobeardby the Damned.”  After that we spent our time splashing and thrashing the east coast and Midwest with our brand of piratical thrash metal for the next few years. Apparently word got around about our piratical ways and we were picked up by Maurizio Iacono of Hard Impact Management/Kataklysm and next thing we knew, Nuclear Blast was thrashing by our side and our piratical shenannigans were furthered.  Aye, there were some previous bands that we took part in, but faltered before our age of piracy.
GOATS: Swashbuckle is not the first band embracing a pirate theme in Metal, not a lot of bands have pulled it off. What led you to use pirate lore as a thematic base for your music?  
NOBEARD:  We wanted to tell tales of our piratical adventures on the high seas in a musical setting.  Since we’re a bunch of dirty, scurvy-ridden mongrels, thrash just seemed to fit our approach to our yarns of drinking, battleship, and trying to kill hellacious sea-beasts content on devouring the earth.  Just the typical everyday pirate’s life.
GOATS: Running Wild must have been a major influence as far as your image is concerned! I definitely hear the 80’s New York crossover sound in your music, particularly SOD. What bands have been most influential to Swashbuckle‘s music? 

NOBEARD:  S.O.D., Anthrax, Megadeth, Leeway, Blind Guardian, Death, Morbid Angel, Rage, Yanni…ya know, the classics.  We have a heavy thrash influence, along with a punk/hardcore background, toss some death metal in there as well as some grindcore, bake for 5 years and BAM!  Ye got our piratical shenanigans. I grew up on all the old thrash/crossover stuff, so it’s just the type of metal I want to play and craft piratical lore about. swashbuckleredrum
GOATS: Seems that over the last few years, bands are creating a ton of great original Thrash Metal, as opposed to the “retro” trend that was dominate in the late 90s. I think that stuff was more ripped off riffs and rewritten lyrics as opposed to the bands creating new true Thrash. Why do think there has been a resurgence of real Thrash as of late? 

NOBEARD:  Growing up on this music and not being able to experience it in the early/late 80’s probably played a part in it.  The bands that are raging on thrash today want to experience the stage-dives, the high-fives, the neck-breaking speeds, the mosh parts, the stomp riffs, the messages, most of all the fucking fun.  Metal always ends up coming around full circle, it seems now was just the time for it to happen.  We be proud to be apart of this resurgence, there’s a shitload of killer bands out there ripping it up like all the older scallywags that did so, so it’s time for their shot. 
 GOATS: So the new album is set to drop during the Wacken Open Air this year. Pretty awesome timing! Can you give us a little info on the new record, “Back To the Noose” and how fucking excited are you about playing with Running Wild at Wacken, the world’s largest Metal gathering? This has to be the first time 2 bands will be flying the Jolly Roger at Wacken?! 

NOBEARD:  We are fucking beyond stoked to be playing Wacken this year, let alone to be taking part in the last Running Wild show ever.  It’s a bummer that they be callin’ it quits, but it’s awesome that they’re going out at Wacken the way they are.   It’s an awesome feeling that we basically get to throw a Record Release rager at Wacken this year. 70,000 people partying, drinking, and loving metal is the way to go.    The record was produced and engineered by Len Carmichael of Sound of the Revolution studios, killer dude, and excellent friend of ours.  He worked long and hard on this record getting it to sound as awesome as it does, so we’re very thankful to him for that.  Then our pal Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal came in and added a bit of extra production work towards the end to bring out a few things with the drums and added a few solos to a couple songs..  Overall, the record sounds fucking awesome and we’re grateful that both Len and Ron could lend a hand on it.

swashbucklecrashrideGOATS: It seems that the songs from “Back To the Noose” are more violent and intense as opposed to the tracks from your previous release “Crewed By The Damned“. Did you go into the writing process with a different approach with the new album? What do you think the most major differences between the records are? 

NOBEARD:  I think it’s just the way we write.  We really didn’t take a different approach, we just wrote songs we thought kicked ass.  Most of them were written around the time “Crewed by the Damned” was being recorded, but we sat on them for about a year or so we could fine tune them and make them even more kick ass. So I guess that’d be the major difference, that and the amount of shenanigans on “Back To The Noose” out-weigh the ones on “Crewed by the Damned.”  Listen for yarselves and judge wisely, or perish by our sabers!
 GOATS: I read an interview once with Amon Amarth where the interviewer asked them if they ever worried about running out of Viking themes for their albums/lyrics. Is it possible that you may run into a similar issue with the pirate theme and run out of fresh material?  

NOBEARD::  Probably not.  I’m a pretty retarded pirate, so I can think up some major shenanigans to throw the ‘buckle into.  I’m not worried about running out of ideas, I’m more worried about running out of rum.
GOATS: How important is it for Swashbuckle to rape, rob, and pillage as many ports of call as possible (i.e touring!)? 

NOBEARD: About as important as it is for ye to wipe yar arse after taking an explosive shite!  Touring be the way we get our shenanigans across to the masses, so it be very important for us sea-dwellers to venture on land, thrash and pillage cape to village!
GOATS: How did the deal with Nuclear Blast come about? Did (album producer) Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal of GUNS N ROSES help make this deal happen or were you already speaking to Markus & the gang at NB
NOBEARD:  Actually, the record was produced by Len Carmichael of Sound of the Revolution Studios.  He also produced “Crewed by the Damned” as well, so just to clarify.  Bumblefoot actually helped out towards the end of the recording session for “Back to the Noose” with additional production as well as some killer fucking solos.   Bumblefoot really didn’t have any contact with Nuclear Blast about signing us at all.  Apparently we won some contest for new talent, and that’s where Nuclear Blast picked us up along with BlackGuard and Augury as well.  
GOATS: How was it working with Bumblefoot on “Back To The Noose”? How did your paths cross and how did his involvement come about?  
NOBEARD: We’ve been friends with Ron for a few years now, we’ve always been doing favors for each other and just being bros.  We’ve played live in his band a couple times, he’s basically promotes us all the time and we promote his stuff as well. He’s just an awesome fucking dude and a really good friend.  As far as the solos are concerned, he’s fucking killer on the guitar, plus he gets our brand of retarded shenannigans filled metal.  It was a natural thing for Ron to lend some lead work to the record and we fuckin’ can’t thank him enough for it.  Ron “Bumblefoot” Thal: best dude ever.
GOATS: The video for “Cruise Ship Terror” is fucking great! What was the experience of filming the video like? Are there plans for any other vids for songs from “Back To The Noose“? 
 NOBEARD:  Thanks, it came out fucking awesome.  David Brodsky knows his shit around that camera, that’s for sure.  Basically it was the worst day to do a video shoot ever:  cold as fuck, pouring rain and 3 miserable pirates on a boat.   We had no idea the footage would come out as good as it did, so big thanks for David again.  As far as another video, it all depends on Nuclear Blast and wether or not they want to do another piratical video.

GOATS: So, tell us… while on tour, do pirates score a lot of booty? 

NOBEARD:  It be our duty to please that booty.

GOATS: What are some of Swashbuckle‘s favorite pirate films? Or are those movies just a bunch of glamorized bullshit? 

NOBEARD:  The Commodore enjoys the Pirates of the Caribbean films, I could give a shit less. Fuck Disney


GOATS: What is some of Swashbuckle’s favorite pirate jargon? 

NOBEARD:  The jargon we spit to woo the wenches, if ye know what I mean! Yuk-yuk-yuk.

GOATS: Who are the true kings of the High Seas: Today’s Somalian pirates or Old School Pirates like? Who was the most sinister and ruthless bucaneer to ever fly The Jolly Roger? Explain, please. 

NOBEARD:  Somalian pirates do have heavier and more modern artillery, but I believe the pirates of old would destroy them any day.  Somalis don’t stick to the code, so they’ll be dead in the water.  As for the most sinister and ruthless, I’d have to say Blackbeard.  He was a fuckin’ brute. 
GOATS: Which is the most dangerous job for a sailor: High Seas Raider or Alaskan Crab Fisherman? Explain, please. 
NOBEARD:  Hmm…that be a tough one.   Raiders deal have to fight to the death with other raiders, giant waves, and really ugly wenches, where as Alaskan Crab Fisherman have to fight to the death with giant crab cages and giant waves.  High Seas Raider be more dangerous.  Blame them fugly wenches on that one!



•June 15, 2009 • 4 Comments


Most people the world over are familiar with the hit show METALOCALYPSE, part of the CARTOON NETWORK’s ADULT SWIM line-up of late night programming, but for those who are IGNORANT (haha! Lighten up!) I will educate you. The show follows the exploits of DETHKLOK, the world’s biggest Metal band, and the world’s 5th largest economy. The band members, Toki Wartooth (guitar)of Norway, Skisgaar Skwigelf (lead guitar) of Sweden, William Murderface (bass)of USA, Pickles The Drummer (drums, naturally)of Tomahawk, Wisconsin, USA, and Nathan Explosion (vocals)of Florida, USA, are on a quest to lay down only the most BRUTAL Metal and in the process “Make Everything Metal!”. The band’s live performances usually involve hundreds of dead fans, the summoning of lake trolls, and other assorted mayhem. To make a long story short, this is required watching for all Metal fans. Creators TOMMY BLACHA and BRENDON SMALL have created something that is enjoyed by all, but can only be fully understood by true Metal fanatics! Many popular figures from our scene lend their voices to the program, including KING DIAMOND, MIKE AMOTT, GEORGE “CORPSEGRINDER” FISHER and several others.

The music from the show is fucking great and is performed by SMALL with GENE HOGLAN (DARK ANGEL/STRAPPING YOUNG LAD) on drums. After the first season, SMALL released the band’s first album “The Dethalbum”, which featured the music from the show’s various episodes. The record is available in CD, Limited 2 Disc CD, and Picture Disc Vinyl. When SEAN INGRAM of COALESCE heard that I would be conducting an interview with TOMMY BLACHA/WILLIAM MURDERFACE, he wanted me to ask him “How did a cartoon joke band manage to make the best damn Death Metal album of 2008?” BLACHA’s answer to this was simple: “Mr. Small and Gene The Machine”

 The album’s success lead to a promotional college tour supporting …AND YOU WILL KNOW US BY THE TRAIL OF DEAD and a US headlining tour with CHIMAIRA and SOILENT GREEN. Like the show’s two seasons and the album, the tours were a resounding success, and TOMMY BLACHA reports that another tour will go down sometime in the future.

Currently, SMALL and BLACHA are hard at work on the third season of METALOCALYPSE. “Good News! There is no plot, but plenty of murder and mirth,” BLACHA said via e-mail. Of course who needs plot when there is plenty of Metal and death! Also, the band is getting their own EPIPHONE guitar. BLACHA says, “It’s an EPIPHONE with an Explorer shape…It’s made out of hardened blood,”
which will no doubt be the most Metal guitar on the market!

DETHKLOK and METALOCALYPSE were constant forms of entertainment for me and my squad in Iraq. We spent a lot of what free time we were afforded laughing our asses off and rocking out thanks to these five typical Metallers making Brutal Music and Metal Mischief. I was surprised as Hell when I walked into the FOB Ramahdi PX to find they had METALOCALYPSE: Season 1 in stock. We watched it over and over again.

So, KLOKATEERS, without further bullshittin’ around, I present to you my Dethinterview with DETHKLOK’s Bassist and Master of the “Cock-Slap” bass technique, WILLIAM MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE, MURDERFACE…






GOATS: So, I heard that some terrorists attacked Mordhaus?! What the fuck is up with that?! Why would anyone want to fuck with the world’s biggest metal band? Did you guys suffer any major losses… I heard that your manager, Charles Ofdensen, was in pretty bad shape? Is life getting back to “normal” for DETHKLOK?

MURDERFACE: Yea, Fucking jealous regular dildos or something. As long as I’m fine I would say that there is no major losses…Basically I am the only insurmountable one…Indesomethingable….I’m most important!

 GOATS: Word on the street is that DETHKLOK is in the process of composing yet another masterwork! How is the recording coming? Are you at liberty to discuss any specifics?  If not, would you tell me if I “pinkie-swore” that I could keep a secret? 

MURDERFACE: Pinkie swore?!??! What?!? Is that queero stuff? I’m sorry but I can’t divulge anything…Especially since they keep me out of the loop.

GOATS: I’m not trying to blow smoke up your ass here, but PLANET PISS is one of my all-time favorite Grindcore bands! It’s so fuckin’ underground how you don’t have any actual releases, but you have merch!  That’s really giving the most brilliant middle finger to commercialism, in my opinion!  Are you gonna keep stickin’ it to the man, or are you gonna sell-out like every other Grindcore band and finally release some tracks?  If you do, I’m not buyin’ ’em…  shit! Who am I kiddin’?!  I’ll totally buy that shit, bro!!!  Do you have anything recorded at all and could you give us some insight about the tracks?

MURDERFACE: Uh…Yea…That’s right! Planet Piss is so pure that we don’t actually have any actual releases yet…It’s all about perfection. No selling out…Although I got some awesome t-shirt and coffee mug designs so keep posted to my website which is soon to be under construction.

GOATS: Being a bass player myself, you are my hero!  I mean, more than Steve Harris of IRON MAIDEN, Alex Webster of CANNIBAL CORPSE, or even Vrangsinn of CARPATHIAN FOREST!!  I don’t believe the rumors that Skwisgaar re-records all your bass parts and have beaten at least 15 people into the hospital for saying this!  You are truly my main influence as a musician, who are your influences?  What does it take to play “cock-slap” style bass night after night on the road?  As “hard” as I try, I just can’t seem to “pull it off”!

MURDERFACE: I don’t know who those dildos are but Skwisgaar only re-records my bass to get all the notes right or some shit…As far as my hogging it cock slap style…well…It’s a lot of practice and a lot of callous build-up.

GOATS: Currently, I’m serving in the US Army, but I’m considering a major career change!  I think I got the stuff, but what does it take to be a Klokateer and what kind of responsibilities do they have?  Got room for a disabled vet with 10 years prior music business experience on your payroll? 

MURDERFACE: How are you at cleaning toenails?…Mine get pretty gruesome…You can fit in here…Our whole operation is practically disabled.

GOATS: It is a well known fact that you are quite the collector of historical artifacts. How did you get into this hobby? What kind of cool old shit do you have?

MURDERFACE: Well…It’s called being totally fucking rich and fucking ebay and shit….I got so much shit…I just bought One of the most treasured porcelain vases in the world, it’s one dating back to the XIV century. The Yuan Dynasty (1271-1368) is the period when the firing techniques of the Blue and White Porcelain flourished in China. Sold in 1993 for 1.2 million, the vase has 34 centimeters, designed in Yuan style, with cobalt-blue painted on its white background. This is the only type of porcelain vase from that period that still exists. I smashed it with a hammer that once belonged to Thomas Jefferson.

GOATS: Many bands break up after spending so much time together in close quarters while on tour, but it seems like DETHKLOK is like a family.  Does it ever get difficult living and working with the other guys every single fucking day?  Do you ever just want to grab one of the other guys and tear his fucking face off?! 

MURDERFACE: A family?!   Barf!  When don’t I want to tear a face off…If those guys didn’t depend on me so much I would be so out of there.

GOATS: One last question MR. MURDERFACE, as I know that you are a very busy business type guy… If some sort catastrophe occurred, like the President of the Universe outlawed Heavy Metal, or you drank a bad batch of beer that made it so you couldn’t remember how to play bass, what would you do with your life?

MURDERFACE: Sit there and rot and bloat and explode and laugh as some regular dildos who worked for the city would have to clean me up. Ha!

GOATS: Thanks MURDERFACE… you fucking rule all things big and small!!



METALOCALYPSE “Season One: The Metalocalypse Has Begun” DVD 2007 Adult Swim DVD

Season one features 20 episodes on 2 discs and a shitload of “easter egg” styled extras including an interviews with the characters and a tour of MORDHAUS with FACEBONES as the guide. This season features the recording of the band’s “Metal album for fish”, the Duncan Hills Coffee Jingle, the summoning of a giant lake troll that destroys most of Finland, the bands’ foray into stand-up comedy, PICKLES’ reunion with his cock rock band SNAKES N’ BARRELS, and more. Of course every episode is BRUTALLY hilarious and is essential viewing for any Metaller!

Available from:

 METALOCALYPSE “Season 2: Black Fire Upon Us” DVD 2008 Adult Swim DVD metalocalypseseason2

Season two is a lot more of the same Death Metal hysteria. This time it’s 19 episodes on 2 discs and a bunch more wild extras, including a SICK “Murmaider” video! This season you see the band help clean up the coke snorting DR. ROCKSO THE ROCK N’ ROLL CLOWN, TOKI takes guitar lessons, MURDERFACE tries to record a PLANET PISS record, PICKLES get his own publicist, and THE REVENGENCERS start to solidify their plans to rid the world of DETHKLOK. DETHKLOK’s manager CHARLES OFDENSEN coins the famous phrase “Nobody fucks with my bread and butter!” in this season! Tons of brutal new songs, gore, death, and hilarity! Once again, motherfuckin’ must have!

Available from:


dethalbumDETHKLOK “The Dethalbum” CD/Limited Edition Picture Vinyl LP 2007 Williams Street Records

Brutal! Just Brutal! Who the fuck woulda thought that you could produce a comic cartoon about a DEATH METAL band and that it would become such a HUGE success? Frankly, I’m surprised that people get it outside of the Metal Community at large.”The Dethalbum” is a compilation of all the great songs from the show, such as “Murmaider” (about murderous mermaids), “Briefcase Full of Guts” (white collar tale of brutality), and “Fansong” (which was the special secret super song from the MORDHAUS open house/fan expo that was dedicated to all the regular jack-offs out there). Death Metal riffing, super fast SLAYER-esque solos, and masterful drumming courtesy of GENE “The Machine” Hoglan, are abound throughout the entire album. BRANDON SMALL is an accomplished musician to say the least, and you can tell that he isn’t bullshitting the music. He has written some amazing songs and if there was never a TV show, they would’ve still had an incredible Death Metal record. My wife, Jasmin, is German, a major fan of Death Metal, and had never seen the program before. When I returned from Iraq and popped in the DVD, she commented “They should have an album!” The only complaints that I hear from most fans is about the vocals. They aren’t too super brutal, but I think that is best for the show. They need to be a little more accessible for people that aren’t as schooled in the fine art of Death Metal. They need to be heard and understood for the sake of the viewers and the comedy. From the Die Hard DETHKLOK fans, I hear some complaints about the backing vocals on “Hatredcopter” which are of a warbley clear variety… These aren’t my faves either, but they don’t do enough to detract from the overall quality of the record. The real standout tracks for me are the songs from the “Viking Trilogy”: “Thunderhorse”, “Better Metal Snake” and “The Lost Vikings”, which were apparently rescued from NATHAN EXPLOSION’s usual practice of deleting hundreds of tracks at a time for the simple fact that “they weren’t brutal enough”! “Thunderhorse”, of course, can be found in GUITAR HERO form.

dethvinyl The vinyl version of “The Dethalbum” is a great piece for collectors. It’s a picture vinyl featuring sick RIDDICK artwork on side A and the cover art by ANTONIO CANOBBIO on side B. Another bonus of the LP is the “Go into the Water (Gulf of Danzig remix)” included as a bonus track. A must have for DETHKLOK fans and everyone knows that Metal is meant to be heard on vinyl! Fuckin’ BRUTAL! I’m really looking forward to the new record and Season 3.




dethkloktabbookDETHKLOK “The Dethalbum” Guitar Tablature Book 2009 Alfred Publishing

Ok…this is a fuckin’ tab book that covers the entirety of “THE DEATH ALBUM”. Most like any other tab book, but… it’s DETHKLOK! Therefore it is at least 10,000x more brutal than any other tab book on the market! Full lyrics and music are included along with the tablature for those who are music illiterate. There is also some great bonus artwork, a statement of authenticity from SKWISGAAR SKWIGELF (where he suggests you take it slow at first as to not get too embarrassed) and a foreword from DICK “MAGIC EARS” KNUBBLER, who discusses the difficulties and joys of recording “THE DETHALBUM”. As you can expect, it’s all pretty funny… If you have the album and never read the lyrics at all, you are missing out. They are sick and twisted like most Metal lyrics, but very tongue in cheek as well. Frankly, after giving it a shot, it made me wanna put my fuckin’ guitar in its case and put it in the closet! HAHA! Not exactly simple, but with some practice anyone can be shredding “BLOODROCUTED”! As a bonus to it all, there is also an instructional DVD that shows you how to play a couple songs! Creator/guitarist/bassist/vocalist/all around talented mofo BRENDON SMALL takes a minute to show you how to play the theme song from the show, including all the licks that he adds to the song. The second lesson is SKWISGAAR’S “Fast Finger’s Master Class” lesson that shows you how to shred the Duncan Hill’s Coffee Jingle. This one is a lil more difficult to follow because it’s animated and he really flies through it, but cool none the less. Don’t expect to pick up and play any of the sons unless you are a really accomplished guitarist, but definitely cool if you love DETHKLOK and would like to learn some of the songs!

Available from:


THE METAL INQUISITION #3: Are those 80’s bands really Metal? “Hair Metal” or “Cock Rock”? YOU MAKE THE CALL!

•June 11, 2009 • Leave a Comment

STARK RAVING MADNESS: The Invaluable Idiocy of Genre Labeling, or A Necessary Evil

•June 8, 2009 • 2 Comments

After last nights editorial post regarding what music deserves the moniker of “Metal”, I began contemplating the root of the whole debate: GENRE LABELING.  In the blog penned by Mark Carras, “What Deserves To Be Called Metal?”, he touched on “the massively huge umbrella that is Metal”.  What he meant by this, of course, is the root musical style known as “Metal” and then the HUNDREDS of subgenres that fall beneath that main music title.  For the sake of anyone that accidentally stumbled upon GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM while searching for some really perverse bestial butt porn, or exotic game recipes, then for one reason or another became hypnotized by my infectious writing style (coughBULLSHITcough, ahem!) and stayed on to be educated, here is a simple breakdown: You have Heavy Metal, the absolute base genre of the music, a label comparable to Hip-Hop, Pop, Rock, Jazz, R&B, and so on. Now beneath this “massively huge umbrella” of Heavy Metal, you find Thrash Metal and  Speed Metal, True and Power Metal, Black Metal, Death Metal, Grindcore, Metalcore, Doom Metal, Folk Metal and the list goes on and on. Now even deeper below these subgenres, you have an unlimited combination of these subgenres to create even further style labels: Black/Death Metal, Melodic Death Metal, Progressive Metal, Math Metal, Deathgrind, Goregrind, Viking Metal, Glam Metal, Sludgecore, Stoner Doom, and the list goes onward into infinity!  This is one of the most amazing attributes that Metal possesses that the others styles of modern music do not. An unlimited amount of creative combinations of styles for musicians to apply to form unique and interesting music.  Now before anyone freaks out because I ommited their favorite subgenre… cut me some fuckin’ slack! I would be here all goddamn day listing the mulititudes of Metal subgenres, so relax!   You will also notice that I included “Glam Metal” and didn’t list Hair “Metal”/Cock Rock, as (back to the original debate), there is a distinct difference between them, and anyone that has heard/witnessed the over-the-top strangeness of The IMPOTENT SEA SNAKES can attest to that! Is that band together anymore?  Google that shit!  Tranny Glam Performance Metal!  There’s a subgenre/label for you to stew over for a bit. And, of course, I haven’t change my life long opinion that Cock Rock is not Metal overnight! 

One of the reason’s that I decided to expand on my essay from last  night, was some of the feedback I received both from The Twitter Metal Horde and from comments left here on GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM.  Most comments agreed with my post, while others suggested that no one has the right to label artists’ output:

“Great article – I agree with you 100% – metal is powerful… not weak and certainly not represented by glam rockers and radio-overkill hard rock bands.  My metal is dark (not death) but certainly not “happy, dancing through the tulips”!
But the question really is – do you and I get to label what is and isn’t labelled as ‘metal’…
The movie: Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey – does a great job of breaking down the different genres derived from metal – I know you’ve seen this movie (I own both)! Sam Dunn spent a great deal of time studying metal derivations and while I don’t like to see it, I can still accept that some of these types of music still fall under the metal genre – regardless of how you AND I feel about them.
I ‘think’ that is Mark’s point… no?
[btw you and I are too much alike – meaning I’m not interested in a heated online battle so let’s keep it constructive – thx]”-comment posted by Twitter Metal community member @xSiteable

Here is my answer… @xSiteable has partially hit the nail on the head!  What right do we have?  As fans, we really don’t have any right to call the music anything at all really.  Mark Carras has no right to say that the music of POISON or CINDERELLA is “Hair Metal”, nor do @xSiteable and I have the right to say that it isn’t “Hair Metal” or that it is “Cock Rock” honestly!  The only people that really have the ABSOLUTE INALIENABLE RIGHT to label their music are THE ARTISTS themselves! Not the fans, not the media, and really not even the label (but they do and it is necessary and I will fully explain this in a minute).  Only the artists can say what their influences are, what sound they were going for during the writing process, or what fanbase they are catering to.  Surely even “Metal: A Headbanger’s Journey” overstepped it’s authority to explain the different subgenres of Metal, but it did it for a reason.  They were attempting to educate the populace in the simplest possible manner so the uneducated masses could digest it.  The film is not made to stimulate the Metal coinesseur or scholar, but to spread the Word of Metal to a wider audience.  See where I’m going with this? 

I promised a second ago that I would explain the necessary evils of labeling Metal music with subgenres.  Labels are required to educate the buyer, to be able to deliver a brief general description of an artist’s music to the buying public.  Record companies require this for their advertising.  I have written a lot of ad copy in my day and I couldn’t imagine writing ads for every record that went something like this: “This German band plays quickly strummed guitars that have been drop tuned to D, distorted bass guitar, sometimes there are blasting drum beats and sometimes there are slow drum parts, keyboards flourish majestically throughout, and vocals scream about some evil Satanic type shit or sometimes about vampires!”  For fuck sake, every ad would be a full page per album!  It would be much easier for me as a copywriter to say Epic Satanic/Occult Black Metal.  People get the GENERAL idea for what the music is all about by placing a label on it.  Now we all know what Metal sounds like, and what I was going for with my article yesterday was that bands like MOTLEY CRUE or KIX have a lot more in common with DEEP PURPLE and mainstream rock than they do with JUDAS PRIEST or IRON MAIDEN, as @xSiteable also pointed out.  Also, as a writer, and a former record label employee, I would sell a lot more albums to the mainstream by calling bands like that as Good Time Hard Rock than I would calling it Hair Metal.  Of course, whenever possible, I looked to a band’s bio or interviews before writing descriptions/labels.  I can never recall VAN HALEN or JACKYL calling themselves a “Metal” band, but I could be COMPLETELY WRONG about that. Admittedly, I haven’t done much research about how VAN HALEN classified their music, but I have heard a radio interview with JACKYL on Q106 of Jackson/Lansing, Michigan say they were a “Hard Rockin’ Band”.  Really though, this is off my current topic and reverting back to yesterday’s debate.  The point I was trying to make is that, as unfortunate as it is, labels are a necessary evil.   

In my debate post, I commented on Mark Carras mention of “Nu Metal”.  This is a great example of how the music business and the media INVENTED a label.  Not a single one of the bands of that era ever said “Yeah, dude! We’re so totally NuMetal!”, quite the opposite actually!  Many of these bands shunned this title!  This was an attempt by larger record companies to popularize Metal and force it down the mainstream audience’s throats!  The media bought into this hook, line, and sinker and the fans followed right along!  As a journalist and publicist I know how this works.  If I tell metal journalists that my label’s new signing is Bombastic Butt Metal, you better bet that it will show up in the review or interview/article somewhere that the band calls their music “Bombastic Butt Metal”.  Then I will also put this label in all their ads: “Rim Reaper plays Bombastic Butt Metal Exclusively!”.  I will also but it on all their merch to drive the point home: “True Bolivian Bombastic Butt Metal”.  In the end, that label will stick and if Bolivia’s Rim Reaper is great and unique, other Bombastic Butt Metal bands will follow.  Tah-dah! “The Turd is Never A Gold Brick Theory” at work!  A new trend is born!  This happens in the music business all the time.  It is all for the sake of marketing!  So, as much as we may disagree and as much as the artists themselves may loathe this practice, it will go on until the music business falls apart.  Sometimes the bands do this for themselves, sure.  Lest we forget the outbreak of “True Norwegian Black Metal” in the early to mid 90’s. You couldn’t get away from it! Their were new “True” Black Metal bands popping up like boners out of bed all around the fucking world. Publicity/advertising departments were loving every minute of it!!

In conclusion, it really doesn’t matter if I say it’s “this type of music” and Mark Carras says it’s “that type of music” and Joe Q. Buttfucker claims it is something completely different, they are just generalized labels made up somewhere down the road by some dildo trying to sell records! The only one in the end that has any say as to what “genre” of Metal they are, or if they are Metal at all, is the guys working their fucking asses off to bring it to the kids… the bands themselves! I love thinking MOTORHEAD is one of the greatest Metal bands of all time, but even Lemmy himself has openly stated he thinks labels are fuckin’ stupid and MOTORHEAD is just a Rock ‘n Roll band in his opinion!  I like what Nathan Explosion of DETHKLOK has to say, “MAKE EVERYTHING METAL!”

Hail & Kill…

\m/ Joker666 \m/

Stark Raving Madness: A Twitter Debate: Is Cock Rock Really Metal?

•June 7, 2009 • 2 Comments

So earlier today, I got into a spirited debate with fellow Twitter Metal community figure, @MarkCarras, regarding what is and what isn’t metal. Though I promised myself that I would put my full  blogging efforts into the DETHKLOK DETHSPECIAL that I have been promising all of GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM’S readers today, this whole thing has had me quite fired up, as I am pretty fucking proud of Metal and the Metal Lifestyle.  I had hoped that my piss & vinegar would fade away, but unfortunately, it appears that it just isn’t going away. I’m afraid that I feel passionately enough about TRUE METAL to state my case in the “What deserves the right to be called metal?” debate.   Before reading any further, if you are not familiar with me, or the way I present myself here, BEWARE. I don’t sugar coat shit for thin skinned people. I have listened to heavy music with my father since the 70’s, metal with friends in the 80’s, and have lived the METAL LIFESTYLE since 1987. Since then, I have worked at both NECROPOLIS RECORDS as a publicist, and RELAPSE RECORDS in mailorder, as well as fulfilling an internship in publicity/promotion there in the early to mid 90’s. I have written one sheets, bios, and ad copy for CENTURY MEDIA RECORDS. I co-managed a PR firm out of Detroit, MI under the moniker of DON’T PANIK! PR. I have written reviews and interviews for PIT magazine and countless other smaller mags, as well as producing one of the first all BLACK METAL FANZINES coming out of the US in 93/94 while I was in college. I don’t state this to say I am better or more knowledgeable than anyone else, but to show that I do have some shred of credibilty.

So, let me start with one of MANOWAR’s most famous battle cries… DEATH TO FALSE METAL. What does everyone think they meant by “false” metal? What else could it possibly be?  Imagine the time frame… Cock Rock. Plain and simple. Metal is not weak. Metal is strong music not meant for pussies. Metal would never bend to satisfy the subject matter that Cock Rock bands embrace. NEVER!  What do these bands that Mr. Carras states “deserve” to be “metal” play? BALLADS, for fucks sake!!! FUCKING BALLADS about love and crying about the girl you screwed over but “ya don’t know what ya got till it’s gone”! How can any self respecting Metal fan consider this to be Metal? This is the music that, when I was in high school, the girls liked ’cause they were wet for the singers or guitarists and the only dudes that liked it were the mullet headed D-Bags trying to hook up with those girls! Shit, I love old KISS, but that is not at all metal! IT IS HARD ROCK! These are the decendants of DEEP PURPLE, and plain and simple, it is HARD ROCK AND ROLL.

So what is Metal? REAL METAL is the bastard children of BLACK SABBATH, punk rock,and surf music. The Dark imagery of SABBATH, the pissed off “don’t give a fuck attitude” of punk rock, and, as SCOTT IAN of ANTHRAX once mentioned in an interview, the picking style of Dick Dale and surf music. BLACK SABBATH, influenced by blues and the occult, as there was NO METAL BEFORE THEM, has a ballad… one that I can think of, “Changes”, but you got to excuse a band that was Metal before there was Metal.  I don’t see any correlation between BLACK SABBATH and GREAT WHITE, WHITE LION, or WHITESNAKE.  Do you?  WHITESNAKE… oh yeah! Coverdale was in fucking DEEP PURPLE!  HARD ROCK!

To say that Sammy Hagar is METAL, because he sang a really shitty song called “Heavy Metal” that turned up in a film called “Heavy Metal”, that has NOTHING to do with METAL music is an absurd argument! Because STEPPENWULF coined the phrase in “Born To Be Wild”, even though it never directly says what “Heavy Metal Thunder” is in the context of the song, is also a poor argument to prove they were one of the forefathers of Heavy Metal. If I had a turd on a plate and told everyone in the world through radio, magazines, and television that this turd was a gold brick, it still would NEVER EVER be a gold brick, just a smelly, fat, brown turd on a fuckin’ plate! Therefore, just because somebody called VAN HAGAR “metal” *shudder* at some point  just simply doesn’t make them a Metal band! How Metal is the song “Right Now”, huh? Yeah! That rebellious fuck all Metal spirit shines right through! Don’t these 80’s bands like POISON, CINDERELLA, WARRANT, and their big haired bretheren have much more in common with the NICKELBACK’s (hey, they’re on ROADRUNNER, like CRADLE OF FILTH, so are they Metal?), THEORY OF A DEADMAN’s, 3DOORSDOWN’s, BUCKCHERRY’s (wait, are they metal? Because they are surely classic strength COCK ROCK), etc., then they do SLIPKNOT, KILLSWITCH ENGAGE, MASTODON or any of today’s more popular Metal bands (just to make it easier on the uninitiated)? If not in style, at least in lyrical content. Somebody prove me wrong, please!

Back in the 80’s hard rock and METAL were always lumped in together on weird concert packages and in magazines. This was due to the fact that the scene was quite a bit smaller for the more extreme metal types, which at the time included the founders of modern Extreme Metal, the NWOBHM bands. This lumping of bands together with hard rock effected Thrash/Speed Metal in particular, and their main influences: the NWOBHM bands with like IRON MAIDEN, VENOM, RAVEN, and ANGELWITCH. As time went on, and the Age of Cock Rock died,  REAL METAL and the more extreme subgenres of Metal survived, they got their own mags, their own video shows, and their own radio programs. If any of you remember RIP magazine, you’ll know exactly what I mean. Or if you have a copy of METAL EDGE in one hand, and METAL MANIACS in the other. METAL EDGE is a forum for Hard Rock and the more accessible/popular forms of Metal. You find IRON MAIDEN next to SLIPKNOT, SEVENDUST next to KILLSWITCH ENGAGE and MASTODON. In METAL MANIACS you find NILE next to DEICIDE, and NACHTMYSTIUM next to ELECTRIC WIZARD! Of course, METAL MANIACS will still include HEAVEN AND HELL (BLACK SABBATH) and IRON MAIDEN, SLIPKNOT, and KILLSWITCH ENGAGE as these bands are relevant to its readership. One of my mentors, Jeff Wagner, was a long time METAL MANIACS editor and he knew Metal better than it knew itself! He would never put POISON in METAL MANIACS! OVERKILL, yes! SLAYER, of course! WARRANT? NEVER! This shit is not METAL! It is hard rock and belongs in a forum whose readership demands such content. Because the magazine is called METAL EDGE, again, is no arguement that all the bands included are Metal. There are no strictly hard rock magazines anymore! I’ve heard some young folks call cock rock “Classic Rock” recently! Of course, this is also a misnomer!

Mr. Carras states in his blog that “I think some are trying to change history and unless it has 45 minute blast beats and Cookie Monster impressions for vocals, it isn’t Metal.” In all my years as a Metal critic and journalist, I have NEVER heard one person insist that ONLY the subgenres of DEATH/BLACK METAL or GRIND were the be all/end all of Metal. NEVER! That is just preposterous! If you listen to any of these bands, which Mr. Carras admits that this isn’t his area of expertise (and with all do respect to him, the preceeding comment makes that perfectly clear), you will notice bands producing countless covers of the bands that are most influencial to these various, more extreme subgenres i.e: SLAYER, MOTORHEAD, THE SEX PISTOLS, THE MISFITS, IRON MAIDEN, JUDAS PRIEST, SODOM, and the list goes on and on. This being the case, only a fool would claim that these influential bands were not METAL, or involved in the roots of Metal! If any of my readers believe that the only metal bands in world are BLACK/DEATH/GRIND bands, shame on you. Of course, you probably already read my COALESCE interview, and read my KYLESA “Static Tensions” (trip sludge) and EVIL ARMY “Self Titled” (thrash metal) album reviews, so I will assume that you are better educated than the plebians that Mr. Carras is referring to.

I did find another flaw in Mr. Carras’ argument regarding Nu Metal. Of course, that is another bullshit invention of media. No bands ever came out and said, “Yeah, man. we play mostly NuMetal and some covers!” He states, “Now Nu-Metal used the guitar riffs strongly inspired by rap, but never had Rap vocals so it’s another story”, but SLIPKNOT was part of that NuMetal movement and they have tracks, at least “Spit It Out”, where they are clearly rapping. Or am I hearing things? STATIC X is also a member of this era of popularized Metal and I wouldn’t say that their riffs had a hint of rap influence across their entire catalog, which I actually own. But for the true focus of my debate, this is off topic. This stuff at least has lick of toughness and originality and stays away from sappy/pansy subject matter. STATIC X, SLIPKNOT, DISTURBED… they have songs that repel thin skinned twats! “Vermillion” by SLIPKNOT is as close to a ballad as they have produced, and I would say that it is not their greatest shining moment, but the BRUTALITY that is the entirety of “Iowa” is. An album extensively influenced not by rap, rather by, as the band said in REVOLVER MAG, “SUFFOCATION, MORBID ANGEL, and MALEVOLENT CREATION”. Ya know, those “cookie monster” impersonators!

The main focus of my debate was that pussy Cock Rock, so named because everyone in the 80’s wanted to be in a band like that ’cause it pulled all the pussy, is not Metal. When did IRON MAIDEN sing love songs? “22 Acacia Ave.”? Or VENOM? “Poison”, “Red Light Fever”, “Acid Queen”, “Teachers Pet”? These are songs are all about fucking prostitutes, man! This shit is REAL METAL! Not giving a fuck about what any D-Bag thinks, especially not some girl “like a cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise!”

Do I like any Cock Rock? The closest I get would be MOTLEY CRUE’S “Shout At the Devil” era and the make-up era of KISS. KIX, TRIXTER, FIREHOUSE, STEELHEART, JACKYL, and all the other one-trick ponies from MTV in the 80’s (when they still played videos) are fucking garbage. I hated it then, and it is just embarassing to listen to now. MANOWAR was on top of this debate from the very beginning… “DEATH TO FALSE METAL!”

I do want to make mention that I harbor no ill-will towards Mark Carras, in fact, it’s quite the opposite! This guy has gone out of his way to establish a strong METAL community through the Twitterverse. On top of that, he pens a very interesting, thought provoking blog, that I highly recommend. You can find it here: Also, I  do not want this debate to be misconstrued as “in-fighting” or anything so gay as that. Fighting on the internet is like the Special Olympics… no matter who wins, you’re still a fucking retard! On that note, if you were offended by a single shred of this editorial… FUCK YOU AND DON’T COME BACK! I wouldn’t fucking care if a single soul read this fucking blog! It doesn’t matter to me! I do this as an outlet. The reason for this can be found in my introductory editorial “.50 Cal Hails…”, where I explain in full detail why I bother blogging at all. If you’re not an easily offended wimp and share the TRUE Spirit of Metal, then I hope you at least got a laugh out of this debate!

Lay Down Your Soul to the Gods of Rock ‘N Roll (wait, isn’t VENOM a BLACK METAL BAND *gasp*… a new debate!),

\m/ Wolven Joker Lokison 666 \m/

PS: 8 June, 2009…  just want to make mention of something.  If you are unfamiliar with GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM, I am constantly editing my posts.  I am on high doses of morphine for pain control from injuries I sustained during my 15 months deployed to Iraq (my day job is US Soldier, stationed in Bamberg, Germany) and often find mistakes in my blog posts.  It is very hard for me to present myself in a logical and smooth manner of writing, because I have a Devil of a time concentrating.  Please except my sincere apologies.  Please stay tuned, as I will attempt to explain both the importance and evils of “genre labeling”, as well as adding a couple thoughts to the STARK RAVING MADNESS that you just experienced!  Thanks to all Headbangers, Crusties, Metal Freaks, and other Sick Fucks that read GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM and share their opinions, hate mail, and/or encouragement… TOTAL WAR, WJL666