GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM’s Nuclear Metal News: Legendary Black Metal Bands Set To Desecrate the Stage Again

Some good fuckin’ news for fans of sick live Black Metal! Norwegian Black Metal Gods, GORGOROTH, and Canadian Black Metal Pioneers, BLASPHEMY, announce some upcoming show dates.

According to the official website of GORGOROTH (this is the founding member/guitarist INFERNUS’s  “true”, one and only, GORGOROTH as determined by a Norwegian court of law, by the way) have announced that they will be Satanizing the fuck out of crowd with an exclusive show for the first time in two years on August 29th this year.  No venue was listed for this gig, but the press release stated that it would be in tribute to their deceased drummer, GRIM (1966-1999).  The set list will include tracks from the band’s debut album, “Pentagram”, which haven’t been blasted live in 12 fucking years!  The release went on to mention that the band may also unleash some brand new songs from their new album, “Quantos Possunt ad Satanitatem Trahunt”, which is set to be released by REGAIN RECORDS in October.  After the Tribute to Grim gig, the band will be co-headlining the 10th anniversary HOLE IN THE SKY FESTIVAL with American Doom masters, PENTAGRAM, in Bergen, Norway.  For further GORGOROTH related news, check out the official site: http://www.gorgoroth.info.  For more info regarding the band’s appearance at the HOLE IN THE SKY FESTIVAL, go to: www.holeinthesky.no.

Even more legendary in the world of Black Metal is the Canadian Bestial God’s of War, BLASPHEMY, who according to the official ROSS BAY CULT website have announced a pair of live rituals commemorating the 20thanniversary of their “Blood Upon the Altar” release.  These shows are taking place in Helsinki, Finland on October 23rd and 24th of his year.  To make these shows even more fucking evil, BLASPHEMY will be supported by the likes of REVENGE, TAAKE, ARCHGOAT, URN, DENIAL OF GOD, and two yet to be determined purveyors of sick Satanic Blackness!  When I saw this line-up, I instantly vomited Black Blood on a priest!  ROSS BAY CULT also reported that BLASPHEMY would soon be announcing live masses for Vancouver worshippers set for August and September.  For further info on these sick shows, as well as official BLASPHEMY merchandise designed and produced by CALLER OF STORMS himself, visit the ROSS BAY CULT at http://members.shaw.ca/superion/kill.html.

So, who’s about to go broke buying tickets to catch these shows?! I wish!  I saw GORGOROTH in ’06 with 1349 and they completely crushed… wonder how they’ll be with the new line-up?  And I would tear the wings off an angel to see BLASPHEMY, ARCHGOAT, REVENGE, and TAAKE on the same stage!  Any thoughts from you goats?  You can leave a comment here, e-mail me at vikingfist@yahoo.com, or catch me on TWITTER (@Vikingfist).

The METAL INQUISITION #2: Toxic Video

GEAR OF THE GODS: COFFIN CASE

I have 2 BC RICH guitars. More specifically, I have a BC RICH WARBEAST “Trace” bass and a BICH SE guitar that I have a complete hard-on for! I love these axes like they were my children! With that being said, I am ashamed to say that they have gone without cases for the whole 7 months that I have owned them. I know, I know… What was I thinking? I wanted the PERFECT case! Not only that, but if you know guitars, BC RICH makes THE BLACK/DEATH METAL GUITAR! They are brutal shapes that are unlike any guitar on the market and require a specially shaped case. I was familiar with the COFFIN CASE brand and knew that they had the cases that would fit my guitars and they were some of the best on the market, so I went on an aggressive search to procure a pair of COFFIN CASES by any means necessary. I started at the killer BC RICH website ( www.bcrich.com ) where I drooled like a mental patient over the selection of wicked axes on display. They had COFFIN CASES on their site, but no prices and no way to buy them direct. They did, however, have a list of worldwide dealers. Unfortunately, the closest German dealer was like 500 kilometers away and with the current amount of medication I’m on I would never make it there. For a few months I assumed all was lost, until I located DAMON SIEGEL on TWITTER (@coffincase). I let him know my situation and he was more than willing to help me out! DAMON went out of his way to get me the cases I needed. Here’s to you, DAMON! You’re the fuckin’ man! If you need cases or want to check out the world famous COFFIN GIRLS, you need to check out the COFFIN CASE websites. Click on the images below, or the link in the sidebar and become a part of THE COFFIN KILLERS CREW! You can also check out their new line of effects pedals, and their awesome accessory cases! Also, for you GUITAR HEROES out there, they have new coffin shaped gig bags for your music game guitar controllers! Fuckin’ killer!

Also, if you see a coffin shaped case, make sure that it is a GENUINE COFFIN CASE! According to DAMON, there are a few companies in Europe that have ripped off the designs and are making knock off cases! Don’t buy this fraudulent shit! Make sure you are buying the best: An ORIGINAL COFFIN CASE! If you do run into some of these bullshit cases, you can let COFFIN CASE know by contacting them at damon@coffincase.com .

GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM Hails: PESTILENCE RECORDS (Germany)

So, I was thinking about something I wrote in a previous post: It was my promise to try to promote and review music & other items that I felt were under-promoted/obscure. After looking through this overwhelming pile of CDs, vinyl, DVDs, and other shit I have collected over the past few months, I came to the conclusion that I had a ton of fuckin’ work ahead of me if I truly wanted to keep this promise. I should probably just be a dickhead and say, “Fuck it! I don’t even know any of these people that read my blog!” but that is, on one hand, not entirely true, and on the other, a very prickish thing do say. I also thought that perhaps I would just review 5 discs or whatever a week, but then cool stuff I wanted to introduce you to would be “covered by time & dust”, as the MAYHEM song goes. What I’m getting at is, that I have decided to plug away as much as my physical therapy and pain management will allow. I was especially motivated after speaking with a very good friend of mine last night who had nothing but encouraging words for my current and plans of future endeavors. This buddy of mine is CO-PILOT, the one man army behind the fledgling Germany label, PESTILENCE RECORDS. I’m sure a lot of you outside of Germany may have missed his releases, but I assure they are well worth watching out for. Currently and in the past, PESTILENCE RECORDS discs have been available through great US based distros/mailorders including HELL’S HEADBANGERS, THE MORIBUND CULT ARMORY, and BLACKMETAL.COM, but with little or no promotion across the pond many fans may have paid them no mind. The PESTILENCE roster is made up of primarily of German acts, but CO-PILOT has not limited himself to such. The PESTILENCE roster includes some of today’s finest kept secrets in Black Metal, including MORT, AMYSTERY, LOST LIFE, DARK LEGIONS, BARASTIR, and THORE.

In last evening’s conversation, CO-PILOT broke some signing news to me, so with my FIRST EVER BREAKING NEWS EXCLUSIVE, PESTILENCE RECORDS is signing Passau, Germany’s NAZARENE DECOMPOSING! I was able to check out a couple of the tracks and I can say that they are fucking sick and really showed how versatile these Satanic Black Metal Bastards were. The first track was highlighted by grim hooks matched with a very raw 90’s feel. The second track was the complete opposite however, as it showcased blazing speed ala “Heaven Shall Burn” era MARDUK, or early MLP version of DARK FUNERAL. CO-PILOT insisted that these tracks were just demos and the album will be much better. If this is the case, the debut from NAZARENE DECOMPOSING will be fucking amazing. You don’t have to take my word for it, check them out for yourself: www.nazarene-decomposing.de & www.myspace.com/nazarenedecomposing Best yet, their site is available in both English and Deutsch, so those of us who are primarily English speakers aren’t left out. Trust me, you shall Black cream for Satan in your fuckin’ lederhosen!

 

MORT “RAW & COLD” CD PESTILENCE RECORDS (2008)

Too Raw, Too Cold

I’m so glad this is my website. That means that I don’t feel like a complete douche bag for reviewing a record from a group of very close personal friends of mine! Not only are the members of MORT three of my best friends, yours Satanically also performed vocals on the intro of MORT’s previous release, “The Denial of Christ”, of which I am particularly proud of. I especially don’t feel like a d-bag however, because this is genuinely one of those overlooked gems of an album that I have made it my personal crusade to bring to the eyes and ears of the Black Metal Hordes.

For those not familiar, MORT is a German Black Metal trio proclaiming their music as being “Pure Frankonian Black Metal”. “Raw & Cold” is then a shining example of this type of Black Metal! It is nothing new, nothing that hasn’t been done before, or anything outrageously original… what it is, is an album played with Black heart, keeping alive the spirit of the last 20 years of Black Metal superiority. The songs are mostly mid paced, with no shortage of headbanging hooks. The vocals seethe blasphemies in the modern Black Metal style, projecting lyrics that will summon forth any TRUE Black Metal fan’s “Metal Face”. Though the album is titled “Raw & Cold”, the production is not the most raw you have ever heard, so those that require pristine digital recording should not be scared away. The music however is very cold. The windmill inducing stand out track for me is “Witchcraft- We Commence the Incantation”, which you will see me screaming along to at every MORT show I can attend. You can have a similar experience with the handful of live tracks that are included on the CD, which were recorded at the Schweinfurt, Germany “Jugendhaus” in 2007. As a side note, Metal is no longer allowed at this venue! Rapping Pussies!! Also, the artwork was done by none other than INFAMIST of reborn German Black Metal Legends, UNGOD!

As I mentioned, this is absolutely one killer disc that has been overlooked by the Hordes. I suggest tracking it down at any cost.

 

AMYSTERY “Grim Satanic Blessing” CD PESTILENCE RECORDS (2008)

Crushed and Burnt by German Black Metal Art

I hate to summarize an album in the first sentence, but this AMYSTERY album is like DARKTHRONE in a deep clinical depression. It has that darkness, the rawness of the aforementioned Black Metal gods, but the riffs have this melancholy to them that really envelops the listener. This should be of no surprise, as frontman, NEPHESUS, is also the mastermind behind the band LOST LIFE, a wrist cutting Suicide Black Metal outfit.  His sometimes BURZUM-esque howling is enough for you to contemplate some sort of self-abusive behavior. The guitars of “Grim Satanic Blessing” are cold as ice and sound as if they are being played in Hell’s own amphitheater. On occasion a short squealing solo takes you by surprise.  The sound not only reminds me of DARKTHRONE, but also of EMPEROR’s self-titled mini LP, or SATYRICON’s “Dark Medieval Times” debut. The songs shift in time from quickly galloping to loping crushingly along in neck snapping rhythm. One of the best selling points of “Grim Satanic Blessing” is that fact that no two songs sound anything alike.  You have your more direct tunes and then you have your more epic fare. There is not a Black Metal fanatic alive that would pass on this album after sampling a couple of the tracks. I highly suggest you do so, as this is truly one of those great records lost in a sea of pretenders. This is another band that you may never get to witness live outside of Europe, which is a real shame because AMYSTERY are a fuckin’ powerhouse on stage. Buy this goddamn record NOW!

TOXIC HOLOCAUST: “Nuke The Cross” Video!

An Overdose of Death

TOXIC HOLOCAUST – Nuke The Cross

 

An amazing video from an amazing REAL thrash metal band!  This link will take you away from GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM, but shit! You can always press the fuckin’ back button after you enjoy this killer fuckin’ video!  Everyone say, “Thank you, RELAPSE!”  Thrash it up!

The Metal Inquisition: #1 The Great Debate

Here Comes the Pain…

Below you will find my first five reviews for your consumption and hopefully your enjoyment.  I truly hope that everyone who frequents my blog will at least find some useful information.  I have tried to include as many links as I can that will bring you closer to the bands, either with their “Myspace” pages or websites, and with the websites of their labels.  Also, I included links to the mailorders/distros that I ordered the shit from, so  if you decide that you are interested in picking these records up for your collection.  The list of mailorders that I have included are folks I trust.  I think this is very important, as I would never send one of my friends to a website that didn’t give the best service or had competetive prices.  There will be more added soon, but I wanted to try to get this first small batch of reviews up so you could see where I was going with this.  Also, I have decided that I will periodically have some short Q&A style interviews with different bands that I admire.  I am pleased to announce that SEAN INGRAM of COALESCE has agreed to do one for me really soon and I am completely pumped about this.  COALESCE is just fucking killer and I am really excited about their new album “Ox” that will be released June 9th!  You can preorder a copy now from my friends over at RELAPSE RECORDS.

A few thing you may begin to realize about my reviews… I refuse to use a shitload of big words and analyze the fuck out the albums I review.  I think this is ridiculous.  Not to tear on those writers who speak of “polyphonic rythyms” or the use of certain scales, but I don’t think most fans care about that shit.  If you are a musician and understand that kind of jargon then maybe you enjoy it, that is what GUITAR PLAYER and mags like that are for.  I myself find that kind of reviewing interesting at times, but I won’t buy a record because of a certain guitar players use of diminished minor chords.  I buy albums that crush!  I buy albums that invoke certain emotions in me while I listen to them.  Another thing you will notice is that all my reviews are positive.  This is because I BOUGHT THIS SHIT!  I wasn’t sent promos or anything, I purchased these discs with my hard earned cash just like you guys do.  So, before you call me a “like-all” keep that fact in mind. 

With that said, I am open to criticism and if you find errors let me know.  As I said in the introduction which is now at the bottom of the page, I am on an amazing amount of painkillers, so I miss some shit sometimes!  I am new to this blogging thing and I want to make it as cool as possible.  I also want it to be as useful to people as possible.  I would like to thank a few cool Tweeples that have been very supportive of GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM in its formative stages: @Goatlady (Kay, you rule!), @MetalAngel (for giving me the idea to use wordpress.com), @ChrisAxe, @Metalross, and @coalesceox (I’ll send that interview soon, man!).  If you don’t already, you should follow these people!  They fucking rule!  @msjboof… not so cool, but follow her anyway! Haha!

Here comes the pain, fuckers! Enjoy:

The First Assault: 5 Discs of Digital Debauchery

 

MUMAKIL “Behold The Failure” CD Relapse Records (2009)

 

Mach 2 Grindcore Madness From Twisted Swiss Misters!!

 

For the first review in the modern era of GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM, I present to you the RELAPSE debut from Switzerland’s MUMAKIL. This disc is 27 tracks of unrelenting blast beat mania devoid of those pesky breakdowns or doomy parts that allow you a chance to breathe!

     MUMAKIL claims the guise of Grindcore, but the music leans more toward the Death Metal end of the spectrum. The band’s lyrical territory is that of a pissed-off socio-political nature, like many traditional grind acts. If I had to describe the music to you I would say that it is like taking early BRUTAL TRUTH, “Harmony Corruption” era NAPALM DEATH, and the first couple albums from KATAKLYSM (does anyone else remember those?), then blasting them out of a jet engine. This album is fucking fast and is truly “wall to wall” blast beats! In the place of traditional Grind breakdowns or “oompah, oompah” death-polka sections, MUMAKIL stomp on the brakes and then mash the gas like MESHUGGAH on high octane crystal meth. This technique is not overly repetitive and is only used often enough to keep the listener interested. Speed freaks rejoice! Vocalist, TOM, modulates his vocals between lows and highs perfectly. The vocals remain powerful throughout and his transitions between pitches are smooth. I was particularly impressed by his transitioning from a growl to a scream in the midst of a line of lyrics.

     The only gripe I have with “Behold the Failure” musically would be the production. I am not familiar JEROME PELLEGRINI’s other work, but I wonder if this is his first go around with a grind band. The drums, even as amazing as they are, are WAY out front in the mix, in particular the double bass drums and the cymbals. They are so loud in the mix that the guitars sound very deep in the mix and the bass guitar is completely washed out. It is almost like PELLEGRINI was so blown away by drummer SEB’s abilities behind the kit that he felt the need to completely showcase the drums and forsake the riffs. This a real shame because there are riffs on this album that will make your head spin! There is an instance during the track “Worms of Chaos” where all the drums, guitars, and vocals do an extended stop/start and leave the bass guitar to deal some punishment, but it is so fuckin’ low in the mix that it is barely a whisper. A bass solo on a grind record should be complete thunderous devastation that makes you fumble for your remote’s rewind button so you can listen to it again! No matter how I messed with my equalizer I just couldn’t get it fixed to where I wasn’t bothered by it. It was only a little better when I put on the headphones for a close up listen.

The packaging of the “Behold the Failure” CD is also top notch. Though this release is not a digipak, or anything too fancy, ORION LANDAU’s artwork and layout are spectacular as always. The booklet is printed on premium stock that is befitting of the layout. The artwork is what I believe to be oil paintings depicting formations of Nazis, cops, the Pope, and assorted destruction that are common themes of the Grindcore genre. Snippets of the lyrics are laid over the art and contribute to the overall chaos of the theme.

Overall, “Behold the Failure” is a blistering triumph of a Grind record. My only hope would be that they find a producer/engineer better suited to their style on the next record so that all the members’ talents shine through and not just those of the drummer and vocalist. I must applaud RELAPSE for signing another powerhouse!

    Add this album to your collection from a TRUSTED distro: www.relapse.com

 

 

 

 

KYLESA “Static Tensions” CD Prosthetic Records (2009)

Like a Battalion of Sludge-Panzers on Acid Leveling Grandma’s Neighborhood!

I have always been a fan of the so-called “sludge” and “stoner” genres. EYEHATEGOD, BONGZILLA, NOOTHGRUSH, IRON MONKEY and the other founders of the style brought slow-motion down tuned metal meets punk laced with psychedelic effects and feedback. Like those early acts, KYLESA unleash a crushing affair with their latest, “Static Tensions”. With TWO DRUMMERS(!) dropping the bombastic beats and guitars impossibly down-tuned dripping in fuzz, you truly feel the music move through you. The vocals are spit in the hardcore style and intermixed with the ambience brought by sporadic use of the female variety. Of course, plenty of tripped out noise and effects are applied for a truly psychedelic experience. Much like their fellow Southern comrades, BARONESS, the music is heavy, complex and chock full o’ hooks. In fact, BARONESS front-man John Dyer Baizley supplies the art for “Static Tensions” which again is a, er…trip. Magnificent played at maximum volume, this album is even more effectual during a headphone session. From the speedy BLACK SABBATH-y sections to the neck snapping breakdowns, “Static Tensions” is an excellent primer to the genre for the uninitiated and a must have for longtime fans like myself. Sure to be considered a classic! This is a must have… purchase from a mailorder you can trust: www.relapse.com

 

EVIL ARMY “Evil Army” CD Hell’s Headbangers (2006)

Thrashing Like a Maniac!

Now this is an older release, 2006 to be precise, but I just couldn’t resist spreading the word about this album. Like I said in my first post, I would be reviewing worthy stuff that was obscure or perhaps it was under promoted. Now back in the late 90’s when I was working at NECROPOLIS RECORDS, there were a shit load of bands making the scene under the banner of “retro” Thrash. These bands weren’t true Thrash, but usually they were a tribute (or parody, in some cases) to the Thrash Metal gods of the 80’s… riffs and lyrics were blatantly ripped off from bands like SLAYER, DESTRUCTION, KREATOR, and others. As we find ourselves in the late 2000’s, there has been a resurgence of “true” Thrash Metal bands who are writing incredible original Thrash masterpieces! Bands like TOXIC HOLOCAUST, LAZARUS AD (thanks @ChrisAxe!), WARBRINGER, and others fly high the flag of real Thrash for a whole new generation of fans. One of the lesser known of these bands is EVIL ARMY, a three man squad of Thrash soldiers ready to bring the fight to streets.                                         The music is violent and fast, reminiscent of Bay area heavy hitters like VIO-LENCE and EXODUS, yet it is all original. No bullshit rip-off Thrash here! EVIL ARMY is the real deal. HELL’S HEADBANGERS version of “Evil Army” is apparently a re-issue of the album that was originally pressed by a punk label, GET REVENGE. The album is 13 tracks of whiplash riffed violence! Every single track is merciless and mostly clock in under 2minutes, so don’t expect any time to blink. These songs are quick, concise, and to the fucking point! Check out their YouTube videos for a live cover of SLAYER’s classic “Aggressive Perfector” and a pro shot video for their intense original “Friday the 13^th” for a taste of this amazing Tennessee trio! This album is also available in vinyl form, and though I don’t currently own it, you can bet your ass I will be adding it to my crate soon… Vinyl is the way REAL Thrash is meant to be heard! Pick up the CD and LP versions of “Evil Army” from one of the best mailorders in metal today: www.hellsheadbangers.com

 

TEITANBLOOD “Seven Chalices” CD Anja Offensive (2009)

Bestial Black/Death Rites Invoking the Devil…

Unlike the majority of metal fans these days, be it Black/Death/Thrash/Grind or whatever subgenre, I am a fanatic for real Bestial Black/Death and War Metal. The eldest purveyors of this art, famous names such as BLASPHEMY, VON, and BEHERIT, would make my blood boil blacker with every listen. It is hard to convey in words the way these bands’ Satanic lyrics, evil soldier imagery, and beyond chaotic music truly made me feel. Most, perhaps not all, of you out there weaned on melodic or atmospheric metal just can’t grasp this type of music. I have even read reviews of these types of bands as “unlistenable”. Well, to you left unnamed reviewers: Fuck You if you don’t get it! It is not meant for your ears, you jaded pussies! There! With that out of my system, I present to you my review of TEITANBLOOD’s latest Bestial/Black Death offering to the Dark One, “Seven Chalices”.  As far as I could surmise from a little Google detective work, “Seven Chalices” is TEITANBLOOD’s first proper album. The other available release “Black Putrescence of Evil” (NUCLEAR WINTER RECORDS) is a collection of this Spanish duo’s demo and split 7″ releases with NECROS CHRISTOS and PROCLAMATION. “Seven Chalices” features brutally expulsed riffs, tainted with shrill SLAYER-esque solos. The solos actually remind me of T’CHORT’s (MASOCHIST) solos in a couple of sections, if you are familiar with his work in the early to mid-90’s. However, it is not all chaos, as they slow it down to a crawl with some crushing Black Doom interludes and there are a couple sporadic whiplash worthy hooks. The vocals are vomited forth and often with effects that provide an eerie atmosphere, not unlike those of BEHERIT’s “Drawing Down The Moon”. The tracks list itself is split into thirds by Black Mass interludes, adding to the ritual air of the album. Overall, none of this is anything new, but it is done so effectively that the album has a fresh feel. Also, I found that with multiple listens, I was drawn further and further into the “realm” of “Seven Chalices”. Almost as if each spin dragged me willingly further down into the Abyss.                                                            One of the major contributors to the effectiveness of the music and its Satanic atmosphere is the artwork included with the disc. Apparently, the Double LP version of this album comes with an A4 “guidebook” to the album, which I can only assume is quite similar to the booklet that is included with the CD. This is not your normal read along lyric sheet or anything like that, but rather a “demonology”. Mystical symbols interspersed with enigmatic scribbling, religious art, and other glyphs seem to have a different meaning with ever perusal. It is like an ancient madman’s diary, or perhaps the notes of one who has taken the rites of Black Magick beyond the point of no return. The booklet is a most excellent companion to one of the wickedest records I have laid ears on in quite some time. Ah, to relive the early 90’s! Hail Satan!                                                                     Don’t get fucked over by some fly by night douchebag distro! I bought mine from: www.hellsheadbangers.com

 

 

 

DISHAMMER “Vintage Addiction” CD Hell’s Headbangers (2008)
The 13 Commandments of DISHAMMER…

What do you expect from a band with a moniker like DISHAMMER? The name really says it all. With the “DIS” clearly for DISCHARGE and “HAMMER” being related to the mighty HELLHAMMER, Spain’s DISHAMMER certainly deliver D-Beat Crusty Satanic Black Metal Punk that is loose as a 2 penny hooker on half and half ½-off night. The recording is R A W, the music is quick, the tracks are short, and the lyrics must have been written completely drunken. The members of DISHAMMER might want to kick my ass for saying this, but this record is FUN: Fun to listen to, fun to party to, fun to bang your head to, fun to sing along with, and fun as shit to pick up a guitar or bass and play along to (as it sure as fuck ain’t DREAM THEATER or any bullshit like that).            Probably one of my favorite parts of this nearly 30 minute disc would be the lyrics themselves and the short stories they attempt to tell. They are like shock/exploitation/ B-horror films set to a Devil Crust soundtrack. “Werewolves on Wheels”, I believe, is about a Satanic biker gang composed of werewolves. “Into the Bong” tells the tale of smoking grass for The Devil, filling the bong with unholy water. A yarn about being buried alive is spun in “Blessed with Catalepsy”. “Bomb in the Womb” tells of Satan impregnating a woman with a baby suicide bomber, and the title track, “Vintage Addiction”, is all about one’s love of old-school bushy beaver porn and wondering “where are they now?” Irresistible!! The artwork is a perfect match for the music. Exploitation art and, well… bushy beaver porn, plus lots of Satanic stuff thrown in for good measure.                                                    In conclusion, is DISHAMMER the heaviest shit out there? No. Is DISHAMMER the most technical music in the scene? Absolutely not. Does DISHAMMER have the best production, the most masterfully written lyrics, or have they created the most original album of the last decade? Oh my fuckin’ god, no! But is this one fun-ass Crusty Metal record worthy of a shitload of spins? Oh, Hell yes! Heed the 13^th Commandment of DISHAMMER: “Remember sooner or later you DIE, so live fast you sleazy scumbag motherfucker!”                         This album is available on both CD and LP to satisfy your “Vintage Addiction” from: www.hellsheadbangers.com

Goats Of Pandemonium

Check out the introduction to my new Extreme Metal Blog! This is no hold’s barred metal! Not for pussies!

.50 Cal Hails and Nuclear Metal Greetings…

      So, this is my first post on my very first blog… Please bear with me because I have no idea how the Hell this shit works! I hope that I can get it figured out because, I have a ton of shit I want to share with the world!

      First off, you’re probably wondering just who the Hell I am and why the Hell should you pay any attention to a thing I say!  I am SPC Christopher Bohne’, a US Army soldier stationed in Bamberg, Germany.  I have been in the Army 6 years and am a Veteran of Operation Iraqi Freedom 06-08.  I suffered an injury known as “chronic exertional compartment syndrome” and have been in and out of a wheelchair since last July.  I have been placed in a special unit for wounded soldiers and have found myself with quite a bit of extra time on my hands. 

     Some people may better know me as Wolven Joker Lokison… a fixture in the metal underground throughout the 1990’s.  You see, before my days in the Army, I was a writer and publicist specializing in Extreme Heavy Music.  In 1993/94 I published one issue of what was one of the first Black Metal fanzines in the scene, “Goats of Pandemonium”.  Soon after I unleashed the zine, I received interest from several different magazines and labels wanting to know if I would be interested in working with them.  I ended up at Relapse Records in their mailorder department where my long strange trip began.  I would go on to write for Pit Magazine and several others, as well as being the director of publicity and sales at the now defunct Necropolis Records.  Afterwards, I was the figurehead and primary contact for the ill-fated Don’t Panik! PR, where I worked albums for 18 different  labels.  Unfortunately, the managing partner slammed the door on the business before we could completely realize our full potential  in the world of metal, as she feared my moving on to bigger and better things behind her back.  This is kind of a quick walkthrough of my background.  Trust me when I say that it was a very colorful and exciting time that I often wish I could relive.  Some people wonder why I got out of the business in the first place.  I often tell them that the main reason was because it is a pretty cut throat biz.  Bands get screwed and backs get stabbed.  The paranoia of my financer at Don’t Panik! PR ruined a great business, as well as hurting my reputation in the scene and the wallets of several great small labels that believed in us.  This was a heartbreaking deal that I felt a lot of responsibilty for, so I felt it was time to walk away. 

     Recently, with my impending departure from the military for medical reasons, my amazing wife, Jasmin,  has been nudging me back towards the Metal realm.  She has even suggested that I start a label/distro.  Only time will tell, but for now I will bring you GOATS OF PANDEMONIUM: The Metal Blog!  I will focus on reviews of new Cds & Vinyl, or older stuff that might have been over looked, but also you may find reviews of DVDs, gigs (to include tour and festival dates), video games, and other shit that metallers might find interesting.  Who knows, maybe I’ll get inspired and break out an interview or two?  I am still in touch with some amazing folks in Metal.  Of course, I will make sure to include web addresses so you can find this material to enjoy for yourself.  I really want people to patronize the distros/labels that have been supporting the scene with all their lives.  If you are a band without a label, get in touch and I will do my damndest to help promote you with reviews and links.  I want to make it clear that everything I review will either be promotional copies or items I purchased myself.  I abhor piracy!  Working in the music business, I saw how little the bands make, as well as how a lot of labels suffer financially to produce the music you enjoy.  Ain’t nobody gettin’ on “Cribs” in the metal music biz, kids!   Hell, I might even review coffee!  It’s my fucking blog and I’ll do whatever I want!! Haha!!

     What have I been up to lately?  Lots of physical therapy! Other than that, I have done a  bit of work within the metal community.  You can find my vocals on the intro to the German Black Metal band MORT’s “The Denial of Christ” album.  I wrote the lyrics to the song “Dawn of the Black Apocalypse” featured on the upcoming album from the reunited German Black Metal legends, UNGOD.  I have also written some English copy for my buddy CO-PILOT’s PESTILENCE RECORDS website (www.pestilence-records.de), where you European Metallers can find a reasonably priced selection of hard to find metal.   I also hope that we can finish work on the debut full-length release from MAGGOT COFFIN, which is a GorePornSplatterGrind project between myself and MORT’s main man, KVALTAR.  I am also trying to assemble tracks for my own War Metal project, BLEED FOR THY SINS ( the groups name is an homage to my deceased cousin JEFF ELROD (T’CHORT), who was the founder/frontman of one of America’s first Black Metal bands, the legendary MASOCHIST (their only official CD release, “History” can be purchased from MORIBUND RECORDS (www.moribundcult.com)… you will be fucking amazed!). Unfortunately, my recording resources are lacking.  Anyone have software suggestions?

   So, for now, I shall depart.  Stay tuned for updated content on a regular basis!  Follow me on Twitter: @Vikingfist or e-mail me: vikingfist@yahoo.com !

LAY DOWN YOUR SOULS TO THE GODS OF ROCK AND ROLL…

Wolven Joker Lokison